5 // Mr. fix it

Four weeks in and things were rolling along at a steady pace with the last real man. Regular text, calls and all weekend dates were happening. The relationship, and our friendship, appeared to be flourishing.

This guy operated to a routine in everyday life, you could just about set your watch by him. His response time to a text message or call was faster than the speed of light. Unless he was flat out at work, rarely did I have to wait any longer than 20 minuets for a reply.

If I didn’t see him on a Friday night, and if we hadn’t planned anything for the weekend, you could guarantee a text or call by 10:30AM Saturday morning to make plans. I’ve never known a man so dedicated or consistent. He never once canceled on me and he made me feel like I was a priority in his life.

One Saturday afternoon he came over after a swim at his local pool. After about 15 minuets he asked me, “Do I smell like chlorine to you?”

I sniffed his arm. “A little bit, but nothing over-powering,” I replied

“Do you mind if I have a shower?”

“Sure, go for it,” I said.

10 minuets later he came bounding out of the bathroom.

“Your water pressure isn’t very good,” he said.

“What do you mean? My water pressure is fine,” I responded.

He walked over to the kitchen sink and opened the taps fully and noted the pressure difference.

“Must be the show head; I’ll take a look,” he said.

He disappears outside to his work ute and retuned with a few tools. After a few moments of clanging and banging the shower head was off, cleaned and put back together. This was actually quite a turn on, this guy was my own personal Mr. Fix it! What a win! What a keeper!

“It’s not great, but it’ll do. I’ll get you a new one,” he said.

Two days later I received a call at work.

“I’m at the hardware store getting you a shower head. What style do you want?” he asked.

“Umm, I don’t know, what do they have?” I said.

All of a sudden the screen of my phone fills up with shower heads.

“I’ve just sent you a photo. Pick the one you want and I’ll put it in on Saturday,”

I picked out the one I wanted and said i’d call him after work.

As promised, my new shower head was promptly put in on the Saturday. The last real man was certainly going above and beyond for the new woman in his life.


3 // The tall man with a small dog

When you find yourself suddenly single, normal everyday routine tasks unexpectedly become a challenge. For me, grocery shopping was one of these. 

Food brings people together and cooking for those I love brings me great joy, so i’m sure you can understand why going to the supermarket suddenly became a massive chore. No longer did I have anyone to cook for and keeping myself nourished wasn’t high on my list of priorities. I was more concerned with trying to avoid falling into the depths of depression.

You can imagine my surprise when one evening I inadvertently found myself being picked up at the local supermarket. It was the average post-work food run. The mind set: get in and out as quick as possible. Strolling down the aisles, in hope of finding dinner inspiration, I stopped abruptly when the bargain hunter in me spotted something on special. Within a fraction of a second I felt a crippling pain around my Achilles. Some fool had careered into me with their trolley. “Oh gosh, I’m so incredibly sorry, I wasn’t looking up.” Glaring at me horrified was a skinny man of about six-foot-tall, bald head and wearing a professional sports kit. This guy was an athlete!

Through (awkward) small talk he convinced me to meet him for a coffee to apologise. I was so shocked by everything I found myself saying yes, and before I knew it I was handing over my phone number. What was I doing! This isn’t me. This isn’t how I roll. And since when is the supermarket a hive for singles? Once again, my brain had a freak out.

About a week later we met up for a coffee. From the moment I clocked him a second time I knew I wouldn’t be seeing him after today.

Now, I love animals. I own a Labrador, cats and I ride horses on weekends. I consider myself fully equipped to deal with any four legged creatures. What I was not prepared for was a very tall man to show up with an incredibly small dog. When I say small, by comparison, my cat is actually bigger. He owned a Chihuahua! There was part of me that just wanted to break into laughter. One Labrador paw to the head and death would be imminent for something like that. I couldn’t deal with this. I also couldn’t deal with the fact that he treated it like a baby. Throughout the course of our conversation I learned he had significant baggage that did not have a simple solution or an end in sight. I politely thanked him for meeting me but made it clear that I wouldn’t be seeing him again.

So, it was back to the last real man.



2 // Where do I even begin

They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

They lied.

After going through what can only be described as the closest thing to a divorce, feeling strong I was not. The thought of having to start again close to my mid thirties was nerve-racking. Where did I even begin?

How does one date in the 21st century?

Where do single, strait, eligible men circulate these days?

Do bars work?

Tinder, Bumble. When did mobile phones become a weapon in the dating game?

I remember online dating, is that still a thing nowadays?

My brain felt like it was about to explode. These were all the questions I had whirling around in my head, and they were moving faster than Phar Lap!

I felt battered and broken, I had no self confidence and the thought of dating and physically trying to put myself out there terrified me. So, I became the cowardly lion and took what felt like the safe and easy option – online dating.

From the safety of my own home, I created a profile that was simple and honest. It wasn’t long before I realised profiles were not something that men took the time to read, particularly the specifics.

Quickly, I became bewildered. No where in my profile did it say I was searching for a man 25 years my senior, overweight, a regular smoker and had three kids. Nevertheless, this was the type of man I was attracting. Then there were the fake accounts, which any switched-on and cautious woman can pick a mile away.

I patiently waited to see if some sort of prince charming would find his way to me. 10 months went by with hardly a bite, then one evening my phone flashed with a kiss notification. The user’s alias was Last Real Man. I had a chuckle and thought, probably not mate, but let’s have a look at you.

I read the profile, which was full of spelling errors, and to my surprise I found myself attracted to this guy. Our interests matched and on paper we appeared to be seeking the same things in life. He was a tradesman and not the professional business man I usually had to deal with. I actually found him refreshing and exciting. English isn’t everyone’s strong point, so I wasn’t going to hold him to ransom over a few typos.

Oh my god, I think I’m actually going to accept this one! And like that, I found myself back in the dating game.


1 // The old cliché

How did it come to this? Well, it was the old cliché. Boy meets girl, they fall in love and end up on the road to happy ever after.

I was 22, and this was my first serious relationship.

Before this I’d spent six years messing around with guys,  then suddenly Mr. X dropped into my life and before I knew it I found myself content and happy to settle. We dated for four years before we bought a little house to call our own, a place we knew was home from the moment we opened the front door. It was a place we’d planned to grow a life together.

Then, something happened. He started working interstate during the week and before I knew it the man I was so deeply in love with betrayed me. While I was back home keeping the fires burning, he was getting his end away with hotel reception staff and any office worker he could pick up in his lunch hour. There were numerous indiscretions and I had absolutely no idea.

For almost two years this went on without my knowledge. I don’t even know how I figured it all out. When I confronted him his response was: “It’s not that I don’t love you, I do, it’s just that you’re not here with me.” No shit Sherlock, that’s because our home and my work is in another state! It’s not rocket science, moron. I was shattered.

Once trust goes, love quickly follows. I went on with life all for the sake of keeping up appearances, but things between us were never the same again. I lived in hope that i’d be able to forgive him but I was fooling myself. I lived a double life for six years, until one day he announced, quite unexpectedly, that he was leaving. After 14 years together, I was no longer what he wanted. Just like that, he walked out the door and I never saw or heard from him again. I know I should have left six years earlier, but I wasn’t going to lose the house I’d made a home.

The relief of his departure was overwhelming but the thought of a future on my own scared the hell out of me.